Why am I scared? And why do I feel so hopeless and uncomfortable?
These are two of the questions that go through my head on a regular basis.
The things I am scared of are for some people just silly. So why do I have to be scared of them?
I am scared of the dark, flying, being in unfamiliar situations and settings.
I am scared of the dentist, the doctor and the optometrist.
I am scared of not fitting in.
Some of these I have just reached myself to live with. There is no way of getting around them. The others I would just like to face.
I want to face my fears.
The dentist, doctor and optometrist scare me.
Only because I am afraid of bad news. I don’t know why but bad news freak me out. How am I supposed to deal with that. And to my freakishly bad luck, I have a dentist appointment on monday – root canal!
The root canal I have decided to just do, I’m not in any pain due to my tooth having trauma and no cavities – it’s just eating itself up from the inside. (I’m not a dentist, but that’s the “KISS”-version they gave me) But I still need to go through with it. The only thing that comes to mind that is worse is a lobotomy!
I have figured out that my biggest problem with these things are that I have no control of the situation – someone else is. Situations where I don’t know the outcome actually freaks me out (Don’t get started on the “How do you do during exams?”-question. I basically just almost vomit during those!).
No matter what, I am going to face this fear! I did visit the dentist for the first time in four years! Apparently it was a smart thing to do!
Being scared of the dark.
It’s totally silly I know! But I scare my own pants of – on my own. I don’t even have to watch a scary movie (mainly I don’t watch them, because they make it all worse!!!!). I can be home alone, turn around a corner in the house and scare the shit out of myself! How? I do not know – vivid imagination I guess.
I need to try to relax – the dark is not scary, there is no one/nothing there. Nope, not even the medieval monks that you see walking out of your closet Maggie, not even those!
Unfamiliar situations and settings? What, how, why? Not fitting in.
I think it’s because I have always been the awkward kid. The one not fitting in. There has always been something that just doesn’t match the rest.
It’s not that I am actually weird or awkward, it’s because I do well on my own. I am an introvert.
When I first figured that out, I was actually kind of relived – there is nothing wrong with me, I’m perfectly normal. I just don’t have the need or the urge to spend a lot of time with people constantly and specially not people who drain me of all my energy!
It took me a few years, actually I took me about 20 something years – but at least now I know. I fit in with the people I like, not the people I believe I need to be around to be anything. I am me!
Fly away fear of flying.
Again – it’s the “I AM NOT IN CONTROL!!!!“-part of me that kicks in. But, dude seriously do you really think the pilot on every plane has a sucky day and goes “I’m gonna give them a bumpy ride from hell!!!”, nope neither to do I.
I actually tell my self “The pilot would like to eat his dinner tonight too!“, okay – so it isn’t always working. But, I try to face the fear – by traveling and flying.
I used to commute with plane, for two years actually. I have asked strangers if I can hold their hand during take off and landing, plus the occasional turbulence. I have gotten through it, so I will continue to fight it!
I used to think I was tough, but some how over the past few years (5 years or so!) it feels like my fears are the ones who have the grip! I want to reverse it, so I have the grip on my fears and not the opposite like it is today! Now days it just makes me ridiculously uncomfortable!
What are your fears and how do you deal with them? I need all the inspiration I can get.
